If i come over, it means nothing
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
