I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
