just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this just has baby written all over it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
