I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
