barbara walters just said penis...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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