I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
