If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize