i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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