I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
