me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
