New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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