if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
