best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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