You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we're so committed to being not committed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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