Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize