It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
