I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
