Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
