my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
