By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
