all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
