You smell like stripper and shame
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize