Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
