The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
