I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
