I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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