Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
