Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize