quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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