Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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