I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
