You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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