im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
