It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
