You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
