I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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