best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
