he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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