he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize