am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
