My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
