Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
