What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
