Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
