Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
