I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
thus making me awesome and them whores
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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