I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
