i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize