im having a threesome with these popsicles
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
