Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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