Do you still have your period?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
