she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize