She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
