At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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