I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
