I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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