I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
