After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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