Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
