Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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