I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
