does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your tits are I can't wait for
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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