hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
