My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i dont even know how to be here
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
