their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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