Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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