Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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