I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
