Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
