shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
