We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
