Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
