dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
