White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
