i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
