pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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