Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
