Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
