I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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