After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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