forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A bitchslap is in order.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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