Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
