I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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