Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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