Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
