I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
