I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize