dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
