I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is wine microwaveable?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
