forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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