You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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