I got chris browned last night
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
