you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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